I've been having a hard time lately. My life is nothing like I thought it would be at 28. 10 years ago, I thought I'd be married by the age of 23 with at least 2 babies by the age of 25. Instead, I'm 28, single and no children; alone.

I spent the day with Jessie, happily married, and mother of 2 year old Alexander and 2 month old Hailey. I talked to Noel, married for a year, and Starcie, working on marriage number 2 with her first baby on the way. Noel feels out of the loop due to distance, I feel out of the loop due to singledom. Even Jeannie has a serious relationship right now. I cried all day when Starcie told me about her pregnancy. I teared up today when Jessie told me I would make a good mother.

I want to be a mother, a wife. I feel like this is never going to happen for me. I'm 28 years old in a state where marriage at 21 is normal. Every man I meet my age is married with kids. Every other man I meet is divorced with kids. Am I selfish for not wanting to blunder in with someone already established? I want to be someone's Number One, and I will never be that if there is already someone else in the picture. I am tired of filling out patient charts and hearing someone say, "oh the insurance is under my husband," then seeing the patient's birth date as 1989.

I hurt all the time. I can push it down most of the time, but the reality is, I'm lonely. I'm incredibly lonely. Sometimes, I just don't want to talk about babies, or relationships, because I don't have one. Some days it's worse than others. Today was fine until the drive home, home to my cold, empty, apartment.