Vanilla Twilight

I'm loving this song right now. It reminds me of Cass, actually, and how I wish I'd not driven him off.



A many times as I blink, I'll think of you tonight. I'll think of you tonight...Oh if my voice could reach back through the past, I'd whisper in your ear,"Oh Darling, I wish you were here..."

Yay!

Maybe it's my week this week. Linda was in town yesterday doing a store visit. She didn't bother us with stupid things like usual, such as assaulting people as they walked in the door, or pushing them to sell cleaning kits. Plus, Mary called in sick, which allowed us to make more without her usurping all the patients. She's the main one who said I wasn't "a team player" and always "held onto the files when I knew it was a good sale." Um...hello!! What do you do DAILY bitch?

I made 2 $500 sales before noon, and the lowest one I did was about $250. I made over $40 in commission, which put me at $71 by Wednesday! Ultimately though, when I do that well, I always worry that a refund or a controllable remake will knock me back down. I try not to worry about it, but it's always there.

Starcie is coming to visit tonight and go in to work with me for an eye exam in the morning. I'm glad she's coming, I miss her, hanging out with her. I'm making a Shepard's Pie for dinner, it's nice to have a reason to make a real dinner for once.

Cass

I've been having a hard time lately concerning men. I am so ready to be married, to have a family. I just can't find anyone who wants that with me. Cass in particular. Had he dropped the pot smoking, he would have been perfect. I wanted him to want me as badly as I wanted him. I remember how I cried when he chose smoking or going over to a friend's house, or working, over me. I haven't forgotten how upset I was when I thought he changed his number instead of dumping me outright. But I also remember how sweet it was when he brought me a cup of pumpkin spice cappucino at work because I'm always cold and I like pumpkin spice. I remember how I was frozen at his house and he put his sweatshirt in the dryer for me. I still wear it when I'm missing him more than at other times.

I wanted more, I wanted everything from him, and he wasn't willing or able to give it. I pushed too hard for it, and I only succeeded in pushing him away from me. I miss him every day. How can I not? Our first date we went to Luna Berry, a frozen yogurt and crepe place near work. Our second a week later, we went for a walk at Memory Grove Park, and went up by the Capitol Building. We had our first kiss on the third date in my living room, on my couch. Our fourth, we went up to his house, watched a movie, then went up into the mountains to look down at the city. It was the most romantic date I'd ever had. My very favorite date though, we went to Wheeler Farm on Sept. 17, 2009. The day began early, coffee at Starbucks. We headed to the downtown library, where we climbed the steps to the roof. Then we went in and shopped around at the little shops inside. He bought me 2 used books and a bracelet. A bracelet HE noticed on the shelf and HE noticed matched my Then we drove down to Wheeler Farm, where we looked at the animals, climbed in the treehouses, walked hand in hand around the trails, and stole kisses all over the park. We ate sushi for lunch, and came back to my place where we made love for hours.

I do want to know what exactly made him turn on me so fast, and to me it seems, out of the blue. He'd introduced me to his family. Brought me to Thanksgiving dinner. And now...he won't return my texts. I know I have to let him go, but part of me is still sitting here thinking, "What if...?"

Cathartic blog perhaps?

Good day at work today. I actually made some commission and was on par with the other girls. They get so mad at me for talking about how much I make as compared to the others, but it's such a double standard. They carry on about it constantly.

Today was smelly day I think...half the people who walked in smelled like they just walked in out of the gym, or out of a house full of animals. A house in which the windows are never opened. Why do I end up helping them? Maybe I smell too and no one will tell me. lol

A Second Attempt

I abandoned this blog for LiveJournal back in 2007 when I was dating a LiveJounal user. I had a stupid fantasy that he would see me, friend me, then I could FINALLY read something other than his poetry. I abandoned that blog after less than a year and more than a heartbreak later. He moved to Florida, I went to visit 3 times, before finally letting go and realizing he did not, in fact, want me.

I changed jobs, and am now working in a retail optical shop, where after 5 months, was promoted to Third Key, or assistant manager, in most circles.

I bought a new car, a little Rav4, that I love. I dated a little more, had a pathetic attempt at a rebound from Florida man with a former coworker of his who couldn't hold an erection for more than about 5 seconds. Had a one night stand with a douchebag who, after appearing like a perfect little Mormon boy, whipped it out on my couch and asked for a blow job. Then, met a nearly perfect man while walking at the park one summer day in 2009. He was sweet, attentive, considerate, amazing in bed...and then dropped the bomb he was an avid pot smoker. We broke up after 4 months, partially because he upped and moved to California, partially because when he was stoned, he ceased to be any of the above.

So now...here I am, a 27 year old single woman living in the heart of Salt Lake City, no idea where I am headed in life, wearing BRACES, and wanting with her whole heart to find that elusive Mr. Right ASAP, because as the avatar says, blondes make better lovers.